


Craig Moriarty didn't have the right ring to it

by fabricdragon



Series: Possession shuffle [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Crack Treated Seriously, Demonic Possession, Inspired By Tumblr, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, the demon Craig
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-02-25 16:28:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22499080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fabricdragon/pseuds/fabricdragon
Summary: Jim is possessed by a demon. Its not all bad, Craig pays the rent and-My name is not Craig!(inspired by Tumblr: https://fabricdragondesigns.tumblr.com/post/626110879818203136/text-of-image-wattpadfic-its-so-weird-how )
Relationships: Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Richard Brook & Jim Moriarty
Series: Possession shuffle [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1618753
Comments: 75
Kudos: 56





	1. Who's Molly?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SpeculativeCorvid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpeculativeCorvid/gifts), [mickie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mickie/gifts), [InnerSpectrum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/InnerSpectrum/gifts), [Unseen_Academical](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unseen_Academical/gifts), [emcece](https://archiveofourown.org/users/emcece/gifts), [TPurr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TPurr/gifts), [FantasyTLOU](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FantasyTLOU/gifts), [IantoLives](https://archiveofourown.org/users/IantoLives/gifts), [Seremarias](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seremarias/gifts), [feanor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/feanor/gifts), [jujukittychick](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jujukittychick/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig... I'm gay: you KNOW I'm gay....

Jim thanked the nice lady for dinner- _who the hell was she? Nice cat though_ \- and took a cab home. Once again he had an awful lot of money in his wallet and no idea how he got it; 

‘Craig’ hadn’t bothered to brief him or give him a note or anything…

Again…

He got home, made himself a cuppa… noticed that ALL the perishable food had gone off.

“Craig!” 

Nothing. Sigh. It was far too late to go shopping, so he ordered in and started cleaning out the fridge.

…

‘Craig’ got back sometime overnight, because when Jim got up to use the bathroom he was there.

_HEY! So you have an audition for a soap opera right after your job!_

“You got me an audition? Do i want to-wait… what job?” Jim looked suspiciously at the mirror.

_Oh, I got you a job as the IT guy at the hospital… didn't you meet Molly?_

“Molly is the lady whose flat i was at? With the cat?”

_YEAH! She’s the morgue lady._

“Oh you WOULD like the Morgue lady…” Jim sagged slightly, “Well i know absolutely NOTHING about IT so if you got me a job there you better be doing it.”

_I don’t like it! It's BORING!_

“Tough.”

_Dude, work with me here…_

“I DO!” Jim rubbed his forehead, “Do I ask awkward questions about where the money comes from? No. Do i tell people, ‘hey i have no idea who you are because Craig was using my body-”

_My name STILL isn’t Craig!_

“Yeah, well the one and only time I correctly pronounced your name i got possessed, so…”

_I’ll handle the IT job today if you come with me and try to learn it?_

“What do i get out of it?” Jim sighed- he didn't really have much choice: if he cost Craig a job Craig wanted he would make his life- pun intended- a living hell.

_A SALARY?!_

“That’s not where you get the money.”

_Well of course not! But you can't declare that on your income tax._

Jim boggled at the idea that a demon cared about income tax, and then decided he didn't want to know. “What do I get out of trying to learn… whatever this is?”

_I’ll...um…_

“How about finding me a date and not scaring them off for once.”

_Molly?_

“Craig, I’m gay. You know i’m gay. I summoned you because of my gay bashing parents and their church....”

_Oh, right. ummmm...Sherlock? He’s cute!_

“Who?”

_Never mind._


	2. Phone numbers and dance dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock is very pretty, but kind of a jerk...   
> (aka Jim from IT meets Sherlock Holmes)  
> and then trouble.

Jim very rapidly decided that every single thing he had ever heard about IT was true- it was horrible.

“No wonder you’re good at this, Craig: it's hell.” Jim muttered as he crawled under yet another piece of furniture to find…  _ Yup, not plugged in. _

Luckily Craig let him handle the audition after work without ‘helping’: Jim felt pretty confident about it.

The next day he had to accompany Craig in to work again- Craig was determined that he learn how to handle at least the basics- and they went down to pick Molly up for tea…

There was this stunningly good looking man… seriously… It was a good thing Craig was steering because all Jim could do was gawp.

_ That.. is Sherlock _ . Craig sounded smug.

And then he was being introduced as MOLLY’S boyfriend… oh God…

…

And then Sherlock- and was that HIS boyfriend?- was outing him as being gay! AND he was being rude? And he was being mean to Molly…

Craig gave Sherlock their number but Jim was a bit torn- he was REALLY good looking, but he acted like a bit of a jerk, and that John Watson guy seemed pretty hung up on him…

…

They had a fight with Molly, of course: she was really upset. Jim didn’t know her that well, but it seemed mean. She was pretty hung up on Sherlock, too, apparently. Craig said she mostly went out with them to make Sherlock jealous…

But she still seemed pretty hurt.

…

“Yes, he’s GORGEOUS,” Jim picked the argument back up as he got back to his flat, “But he seems like a jerk.”

_ NOoooo! He’s great! _ Craig was damn near singing.  _ He likes dead bodies, and crime scenes! _

“Uh, Craig… not… really my interests, you know…”

_ Just read his blog! Or Johnny Boy’s blog…. Seriously he’s AWESOME! He keeps eyeballs in the microwave! _

“I’m not really into the whole… body parts thing…” Jim pointed out for like the eleventh time this year. He walked into the kitchen and froze because there were three strange men in his kitchen… one of whom had a gun.

**_CRAIG!_ ** Jim thought as loud as he could and then to the three men, “Can I help you gentlemen?”

_ Oooooooh shit- they aren't anyone i know? Do you know them? _

“Mister Moriarty,” one of them said with a very insincere smile, “We went to some trouble to track you down.”

“Moriarty? You must mean my brother,” Jim kept his voice calm and level while inwardly snarling at Craig. “I’m-” he cut off as a man came out of the other room.

“Nothing here, sir.”

Craig casually reached into the kitchen drawer behind their backs and pulled out a knife- Craig liked knives.

“Well then we’ll just have a little chat with Mister Moriarty about things.” the insincere man said and walked forward with his friends.

Jim sighed and closed his eyes, “You REALLY don't want to push this…” he could feel Craig doing things, adjusting himself in the body, and he opened his eyes to find the world already taking on the odd hues of demon sight.

It was still partly Jim in control when he curled his lip up at one corner and dropped his voice into the deeper register, “Violence is so… pedestrian. I’m… almost disappointed.”

_ THAT’s my Jim! _ Craig laughed,  _ Let’s dance! _

Jim stepped back and watched as Craig took the man behind them down with the kitchen knife, then somehow dropped and slid and took out the legs of the man with the gun… when he stood up he had the gun- and the knife.

“So!” Craig’s cheerful voice that almost but didn't QUITE sound like Jim, “Shall we have a little discussion about WHY YOU BROKE INTO MY FLAT?!” Craig ended in a shriek and then dropped back into a sort of chortle, “because that was rude, really, and now i have blood all over my trousers.”

_ Oh… yeah… blood…  _ Jim sighed to himself,  _ hey Craig? Uh… are we gonna be able to clean this up? _

“What a MESS!” Craig giggled and advanced on the men who were looking frozen- Craig had a rather intense stare and his eyes never looked quite right when he was excited. “So who are you boys? Please do feel free to not answer me, i need a new leather vest- do any of you have any tattoos? I love tattoos! I could frame one.”

They tried to run.

Jim stopped watching and went back to going over the new audition monologue…

...

Craig got his attention.  _ Hey! So… we kind of have to move- turns out they were CIA. _ Craig said apologetically.

Jim let himself come back up: it was a mess.

“Are you going to be able to clean this up?!”

_ Weeeellllll…. _ . Jim could picture Craig fidgeting,  _ Not… i figured we’d burn the building down? _

“Mister Patel is home by now, and Mrs. Kirby is back from her sister’s!!”

_ We’ll get them out? _

Jim sighed and went to rub his head only to find his hand was still… uh… dripping. “You’re SURE i can’t get sick from this? Can I get a shower?”

_ Good idea! You get a shower and I'll go get people out of the building? _

“No eating Mrs. Kirby’s Maltese.”

Craig grumbled unhappily, but had to admit Jim hadnt made a fuss about the CIA agents, so he promised not to eat Mrs. Kirby’s dog.

“Or Mrs. Kirby!” Jim said as he walked into the shower.

_ Ewww! No! Have you smelled her? She’s covered in cheap perfume! _

Jim scrubbed off as best as he could in the shower. It was always odd when Craig… left? Like the building of his mind got empty and full of echoes. He picked his way around the bodies to go get changed: the guy had tossed his bedroom looking for something and his clothes were all over.

_ Sigh _

He got dressed and packed. He was used to it- Craig could always get them new identification, and money and Jim only occasionally had to know anything about it.

_ It could be worse _ , Jim had to admit as he carefully lifted his bags over the blood,  _ it's not like i really knew what i was DOING when i summoned him: i could have gotten way worse than Craig… _

…

When Craig got back, and they got into the cab, Jim muttered, “Eyeballs in the microwave is not attractive, Craig.”

_ I think it's very attractive! _

“Then you go out with him- he’s not my type.”

_ You thought he was pretty! _

Jim saw the taxi driver glance back at him worriedly and tried to go back to just THINKING at Craig:  _ he is VERY pretty, but he’s a jerk and he keeps body parts in his microwave… one of you is plenty. _


	3. Like a Demonic Cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At least a CAT only drops dead mice on the bed, Craig brings other presents home...

Jim poked his head up here and there when he could to pay attention to what Craig was doing- he’d learned the hard way that if he didn't at least pay some attention he would get blindsided by it- but it seemed to be the same old thing: running a criminal network, playing games with people, stealing stuff for no reason.

He’d been running some variation of a criminal network since… well since shortly after Jim had summoned him, really: the scale of it varied. The latest version of it had been going strong for at least five years, but that was ‘Moriarty’ and that was who the CIA guys had been after…

He finally couldn't ignore it any more.

“So, this Moriarty thing…”

_Yeah?_

“How did they connect it to me? I mean you’re normally pretty good about that.”

 _Huh…_ Craig stopped- which meant Jim stopped too- _That's...i guess… Well… I’ve been doing some jobs for people in government?_

“What?!” Jim sagged, “Craig, do I need to give you the whole history of why we DO NOT trust the fecking guarda? Ever?”

 _They pay well,_ Craig muttered defensively, _and the jobs were fun- challenging!_

“Speaking as an Irishman, Craig, the Brits will hang you out to dry once they’re done with you, and as a gay man the government won't wait THAT long.”

 _Well…_ . Craig fidgeted mentally- there was no other way to describe the sensation like body parts that he didn't HAVE trying to flex- _They… may have been trying to infiltrate my employees i guess?_

“Craig…” Jim sighed and rubbed his head, “Let me have a look at them and tell me the background and… all that: you’re a LOUSY judge of humans, Craig.”

_I think Sherlock is cute!_

“Like I said, Craig.”

 _YOU thought he was cute!_ Craig pointed out.

“I think he’s very pretty- I also don't think storing eyeballs in the microwave is a good quality in a date, and he’s rude: also I think that other guy is his boyfriend already.”

_...we… could… make it a threesome?_

Jim sighed and sagged against the refrigerator, “Craig… it's always at least a threesome with us: they just don’t usually KNOW that.” he got out the fixings for a long night of trying to explain humans to Craig- again- “Alright, so who do you think is trying to infiltrate your employees and why?”

*

Jim woke up with hallucinatory memories of a swimming pool and flashbacks to Carl Powers- he shuddered and tried to settle his breathing…

 _Chlorine? I… smell a pool?_ He looked around: he was in his bedroom- well it was A bedroom, and it felt familiar even if he didn't recognize it so Craig must be using it a lot- and there… was a man chained to the foot of his bed.

Jim blinked several times: there was a really REALLY good looking man chained to the foot of his bed, at least judging from his incredibly muscled upper back and shoulders, since his arms were chained to the bottom bedposts and he was on the floor… 

...and Craig was out-wonderful.

Jim got up and walked around to get a better look at this guy- he was glaring at Jim over a gag with bright blue eyes, he was scarred and had a tattoo, his head hair was a sort of red-brown color and his body hair was more red and OhMyGod he was completely nude!

Also really good looking from this side too.

Jim lost a few beats just sort of standing there staring at the man.

He eventually realized the man was trying to say something around the gag.

“Uh… I’m going to take that gag off, and… uh… maybe i’ll get a glass of water first? Yeah…” Jim skittered off to find the kitchen because the sheer hormone-bubbling proximity of that guy was frying his brain.

Jim was shakily making tea and getting out glassware- the kitchen was organized in typical Craig fashion, which is to say ODDLY- when he found the note:

“You didn’t like Sherlock but I don’t think this guy keeps eyeballs around so i thought you’d like him.”

And then a hastily added, “P.S. don’t unchain him too much until i get back.”

Jim sighed and got together a simple breakfast and a glass of water and went back… yup, still there, still gorgeous, and still glaring at him.

“So… ah…” Jim waved the water, “I’m going to take your gag out and… please don’t scream at me; it’s not my fault.”

He had to kneel down very close to the man- close enough to feel the body heat and be reminded of JUST how long it had been- to get the gag unbuckled.

He didn't try to talk until he’d had several sips of water and then he practically growled, “and how, exactly, is this ‘not your fault’ Mister Moriarty?”

 _Ooooooooh god his voice…_ Jim lost another beat just listening to that voice… “Do you do Shakespeare? You should do Shakespeare… uh… sorry, what?”

The man stared at him incredulously and then his eyes tracked down and he was staring at his chest and his voice went up quite a few pitches, “What? Why aren’t you… I MISSED?! I can’t have missed…”

Jim slowly looked down at his chest and noted the vague sort of ache he got from Craig healing him…”Oh… was he- err I- hurt? Sorry, like I said, not my fault… well i suppose it’s sort of my fault? Uh…” and then he blurted out, “GOD you’re gorgeous-” and flinched.

“Is...wait… you… ACTUALLY have a twin?” the man started looking a bit more confused and a trifle less hostile.

“Ah, no… Craig… um… look, i made you some food?”

“Just unlock me and i’ll-”

“I have no idea where Craig put the keys and he isn’t here to ask- also his note said not to unchain you… um… who are you?”

“Do… how involved are you in what Moriarty…” He trailed off and looked at the water, “I probably should drink something.”

Jim held the glass up to his lips and fed him a few bites of breakfast and tried to be subtle about admiring the arms spread out to the bedposts. The man was all muscle, and even when he shifted to try to make himself more comfortable he looked like a work of art.

“Can i take a picture of you? Damn i wish i could draw people well enough- you’d be an awesome life model.”

“I’d rather you tried to find the keys to unlock me.” he said it rather drily, and Jim wanted to do terribly dirty things to the man- or have him do horrible wonderful things to Jim.. he licked his lips and tried to be polite-ish..

“Errr… Craig said not to… uh.. You didn't tell me who you are? Or how you… I mean Craig doesn't usually… he’s never left me a live person?”

The man blinked twice and then looked a bit cautious, “He’s left you a dead one?”

“Wow- you’re smart… uh… yes? Not whole, usually… but… after i screamed when i opened the fridge that time he did start leaving notes…” Jim sighed, “I THINK i finally got across to him that i don't like body parts lying around... It’s no wonder he likes Sherlock.”

“He… likes Sherlock… because…?” the man shook his head vigorously and asked again, “Look can you just unchain me and… I can get you out of here too if you need help…”

Jim sighed, “Look… Craig is… beyond weird, but he actually DOES have my best interests at heart- even if he doesn't understand them very well- and… did you say you hurt him?”

“He… he SHOULD be dead, honestly- i shot him.”

“You… SHOT… Craig?!” Jim squeaked and patted frantically at his chest.

“...yes? Why are you… um… what’s going on?” he tugged at the restraints.

Jim sat back and tried not to hyperventilate. _Ok, he shot Craig… he had a gun and he shot Craig… but Craig had been running the body and just… patched it up- which meant he was out HUNTING because he was HUNGRY…_ “-but why didn't he just eat you?”

“...why… didn’t.. He… What?!”

Jim moved a bit further away from the man because he was dangerous- unfortunately that just gave Jim a better look at how nice he looked… chained… oh lord… “Craig… left you for me- Oh… OH! Craig didn’t eat you because he thought…” Jim curled over and put his head in his hands, “You’re a present- this is like having a demonic cat… i swear…”

“Can…” the man breathed out in a sharp fashion- almost a whistle- “Look, I need to get out of here before… Craig? Moriarty comes back...Also i need to find my clothes but that's… ok i give up, what’s a demonic cat?”

“Craig,” Jim moaned, “A CAT would just drop a mouse on the bed, but CRAIG has apparently decided I need a boyfriend.”

The man was obviously trying to figure out a response when the lights did that weird flickering thing and Craig settled himself back into Jim like pulling on a comfortable set of pajamas…

“Craig…” Jim sighed, “You can’t just…. Chain a man to the bed…”

 _I obviously DID_ , Craig sniffed at him.

“Look… can you unchain me to go to the bathroom at least?” The man’s voice had a very coaxing tone.

Craig looked up and took over Jim’s body and Jim could see the man’s shocked look- Craig driving really didn’t look quite the same as Jim, he’d seen it in the mirror enough.

“~Sebastian~ Dear…” Craig chuckled and cocked his head, “You should have tried that with Jim before I got back.”

“...You’re crazy?!” he-Sebastian?- sounded hopeful: most people hoped he was just crazy if they saw the switch, but there was something convincingly different about Craig’s eyes.

Craig stood up and did whatever he did and the chains unlocked from the bed- his arm chains anyway. Sebastian tried to bolt but his ankle was chained to the bed and he went sprawling.

“His ankle wasn't cuffed before,” Jim noted.

“Details!” Craig said cheerfully and got the man’s arms locked behind his back somehow.

Craig marched him into the bathroom: Jim tried to give the guy some privacy but Craig kept… commenting… on his body, so finally Jim answered.

“Craig, you… look, who IS he anyway, and he shot you?”

Sebastian was flicking his eyes everywhere and occasionally trying to jerk his arm out of Craig’s grip.

Craig rather petulantly ran his free hand over Jim’s- their- chest. “He SHOT me,” he pouted, “it hurt AND it totally ruined the Westwood!”

“The… Oh! The suit? The fancy new one?”

“YES!”

“Oh I’m sorry, Craig: i know you liked that one…” Jim patted at Craig sympathetically- it looked very odd in the mirror, and unfortunately it ended up with his hand letting go of Sebastian to do it.

Sebastian bolted THROUGH the bathroom door- literally: he didn't try to get his hands in front of him or anything, just hit the door with his shoulder and his head tucked and crashed through.

Sadly for him the door didn't come off its hinges- it broke, and he got slowed going through the wreckage. 

Craig grabbed his ankle and pulled- dragging him through the door and back into the bathroom.

“Craig… um… you… he’s damaged.”

“He is? Well he shouldn't have tried to run!”

Sebastian was gritting his teeth and panting and… there was a piece of door actually lodged in his…

Jim swallowed hard, “Craig? Can you fix him?”

“Why?”

Jim sighed and looked at the man- gorgeous and wounded and... _fuck_. “Well, you did give him to me?”

Craig perked up, “You like him?”

“I have no idea, Craig, i barely got a chance to get to know him?”

Craig waved at the guy- unfortunately given their position and the fact that he was holding him up by the ankle he waved at the man’s crotch- “What’s to know? He’s cute…”

Jim pinched the bridge of his nose and counted to three, “I prefer them alive, conscious, and in one piece?” and then under his breath, “and voluntary, and not shooting at me.”

Craig sighed and started fixing the guy: Jim knew from experience that it wasn’t a pleasant sensation- to be blunt it hurt like hell- which is why Jim was usually unconscious for it. Jim was frankly impressed that the guy kept his teeth clenched shut through the screams.

Craig dumped the guy on the bed and rearranged the chains so he was secured ON the bed instead of at the foot of it.

“I have a meeting and I need the body, ok? You can… talk? To your present later.”

Jim reminded Craig that he had a commercial to film tomorrow that he needed to be back for, and looked apologetically at the guy. “Sebastian, was it? I’ll… be back later.”

Craig straightened himself out and settled himself fully into the body with a crick to his neck, like he did, “You RUINED my suit, Moran.” Craig walked off to the closet to find something to wear and Jim waved goodbye.

Sebastian staring after them with wide blue eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig and Jim get back to Sebastian... and you get a bit of history.

At some point when Craig seemed to be done with whatever he was doing and Jim came back up a bit; he reminded Craig that he’d left a person chained up in the bed.

“So?”

“Craig… we’ve HAD this talk, humans need to eat, and drink, and go to the bathroom…”

“Oh he BETTER not have made a mess on my bed!”

“It's not HIS fault if he did, Craig,” Jim mostly felt tired- Craig knew better, really he did, but it sometimes seemed like he didn't make the jump from ‘Jim needs to eat and sleep’ to ‘other people do too’.

Craig was pretty well driving the body and doing stuff on his phone- he found humans baffling but not tech - so Jim was mostly stuck kicking back in his head and going over his commercial for tomorrow.

Craig asked him about food and then a bit later he got Jim’s attention:  _ “So, uh… Jim,” _ Craig was fidgeting- Jim could tell-  _ “I… I don’t know how, but i think i broke your present?” _

_ “What?!” _

Craig brought him up to the surface and he blinked and looked around: they were standing in the bathroom with the wrecked door and… the poor guy- Sebastian- was lying in the hallway sort of curled up.

“Craig...what did you DO to him?”

“NOTHING! Honest! I just… took him to the bathroom? He was ASKING to go to the bathroom? And then he…. Ran around like...do you remember how that football guy ran into the cars?”

“Oooh, God, Craig…” Jim put a hand over his face. “Help me get him to… a chair or a sofa or something, ok? And then… can you back down a bit?”

“He’s dangerous… I mean to humans.” Craig sounded cautious.

“Well, don’t go completely away, just let me drive, Ok?”

Jim was honestly concerned that he wouldn’t … come back, but after a lot of false starts- and an understandable concern that he was either delusional or drugged- Jim managed to get him to talk it out a bit. He honestly caught on remarkably fast to the idea that Jim and Craig were entirely separate people and…

It was… really nice to have someone besides Craig to eat dinner with- without having to watch every word he said.

Eventually Sebastian asked if he could go home and Jim tried to break it to him gently. Craig had suggested that he SHOULD understand the idea of ‘no one crosses Moriarty and gets away with it’ and… he did. Jim felt a bit sorry for him: I mean, he was REALLY lucky to be alive, but he hadn’t signed up for this- not like Jim had-  _ And i still have bad days. _

Jim was trying to figure out why this guy was involved in whatever criminal business Craig was running- and why he double crossed him- when he started talking about Craig being involved in terrorism?

“Terrorism?!” He mentally hissed _ ‘Craig! What the hell have you gotten us into?” _

_ Huh? _

“Yes?” Sebastian nodded “Lots of murders, and… you do know about the pool, right?”

_ Ok, I came up with the smell of chlorine, so a pool makes SENSE... _ “No?”

“I was a sniper at the pool? He was holding- he had Watson in a bomb vest and sniper lines on Sherlock Holmes…”

“Craig!” Jim tried to make sense of this, “I thought you LIKED Sherlock?!”  _ and talk out loud so you include Sebastian, please? _

Craig protested- out loud at least- “What? I was playing with him! He loved it!!!”

Sebastian was either very brave or REALLY crazy because he countered with, “Captain John Watson most definitely did NOT love being in a bomb vest: he was sending SOS the whole time.”

Craig started pouting, so he KNEW something had been going wrong and just didn't want to admit it, “Who cares? Sherlock adored it!”

“Craig,” Jim sighed- Craig knew something was wrong, so it was a touchy subject and he approached it carefully-, “Craig… haven’t you admitted you aren’t EXACTLY the best judge of humans? Hmm?”

And sure enough Craig sounded worried. “You… think he didn’t like it?”

“Craig, i have no idea, because i wasn't awake, but... “ he glanced at Sebastian, “Sebastian, right?” 

Sebastian nodded nervously - understandable.

Jim pointed out that, “Sebastian was watching and he’s human and HE didn’t think they had fun…”

Unfortunately the room- and Sebastian- started taking on demonic hues as Craig focused on ‘reading’ the man: Jim had a few moments to see him as Craig did- bloodied, and having been close to death so so many times, and having killed so many people, and  _ my GOD he had so much death energy around him it was stunning! _

Jim finally managed to realize that Sebastian was going to BREAK if Craig kept that up and warned: “Craig! Back it down to human!” - Sebastian had fallen backward out of his chair and scrambled backward until he hit furniture. Jim tried to go reassure him but Craig wouldn't give up control.

_ Jim? I need to have a chat with Moran privately. _ Craig very courteously warned him before he got closed out.

Jim couldn't help but TRY to intervene:  _ “If he’s my present… uh… Craig it's pretty rude to give me a present and then uh… break him?” _

Craig sighed, _ I won’t break him. _

Jim got shut out and spent the time mostly fretting: Craig REALLY didn’t understand people very well, no matter how much he dealt with them. The poor girl he’d ‘Talked To’ had never recovered, and Jim still wondered about that Priest…

He felt really bad about the priest.

Eventually Craig let him back up and… Sebastian was sort of cowering in a corner- not far from where he had been.

“Uh… Sebastian?”

“Would it help if i said no?” he asked - his voice was rather shaky but… it was a pretty coherent answer.

“You’re ok?” Jim was incredibly relieved 

Craig sniffed, _ ‘I SAID i wouldn't break him’ _

“No,” Sebastian said very firmly, “I am not ok.”

“Well… ah… you’re doing better than most people who really meet Craig? How about a shower? You’ll feel better after a shower…”

“I am not going near that…” Sebastian trailed off shuddering and wrapped his arms around himself.   


_ Oh _ . “Craig… he’s… upset by the whole… being hurt and healed thing? You know it hurts. Is there… a different bathroom?”

“I could just get someone in to clean it up?”

Jim agreed and got Sebastian coaxed over to a - very nice- sofa and back wrapped up in his blanket while Craig texted someone.

“This is a nice place…” Jim commented idly as he set up tea.

“Don’t… you act like you don’t know it?”

“Craig doesn't tell me much about… what he’s doing.”

Sebastian- who was pulling himself together REALLY well- asked, “Don't you have… right, you didn’t know about the pool or… do you have any say over this?!” his voice went kind of squeaky toward the end, but all in all he was handling it REALLY well: Jim told him so; he mostly looked disbelieving.

Jim sighed and got the tea and sat down. “No, i don’t have any say over any of this except… except that Craig likes me, so… he tries? He really TRIES, but he’s not…” Jim shrugged, “he’s not human, and honestly it's been so long that sometimes i have trouble understanding things myself.”

He was holding the tea cup a bit tightly, but he kept his voice steady. “How did you… ah… get Craig?”

_ Just lucky! _ Craig snickered in the back of his head.

Jim mentally agreed and then, “well, why not, it's the truth: i got appallingly lucky to get Craig. It could have been WAY worse.”

Sebastian started shaking and made vaguely muffled noises so Jim got his tea cup set down on the coaster. Before he could say anything else the people Craig called showed up and Craig took over: telling them in a bored tone to “clean up all the blood and fix the bathroom.”

Poor Sebastian flinched and curled up into his blanket as soon as Craig took over. Jim really was very impressed, though- he didn't run, or faint, or scream, or ANYTHING: he just flinched and huddled into the blanket.

Jim patted at him when the clean up folks weren’t looking.

After a while they were done and Craig stood up… then he leaned over Sebastian: “Now you’re going to be a GOOD present and just stay wrapped up here on the couch, yes?”

Jim could see those blue eyes flick from Craig to the door and back: he felt Craig’s smile widen.

_ ‘Craig, he’s scared silly- can’t you-’ _

_ ‘If I have to chase him I will be very cross.’ _

_ Sigh _

Sebastian cleared his throat very carefully, “Stay… right here… blanket.”

Craig patted him on the head, “Good! Then no one has to clean up any more blood.” and he walked them off to go inspect the work. It looked pretty much the way it had before Sebastian had tried to bolt- you really couldn’t tell the door had been replaced and they’d even gotten the blood out of the carpeting in the hallway.

Craig dismissed everyone and they went back to the couch: Sebastian was still there- he might be a bit more curled up in the blanket but he hadn’t moved much otherwise. Jim felt Craig step back. 

“Um… hey, so… I’m back…”

“Is… Craig gone?”

“No, but he’s… stepped back? Like he was before.” Jim got more tea and found some chocolates to give him.

Jim waited until he was a bit less… errr… blanketed, and cleared his throat, “You asked how i ‘got Craig’.”

“Right…” he made a pretty decent attempt to smile, even if it looked a bit twitchy. “So how did you two… err… was he always…”

“Nah, i was pretty ordinary-”

_ ‘You were not,’ _ Craig sniffed.

Jim raised his voice just a hair. “I was pretty ordinary- as far as being human and stuff goes- until… Well i was gay, and my parents- and their church- REALLY didn’t cope well and i was going to be packed off to a camp to… well, cure me, i guess.” 

Sebastian snorted, “Oh? Is that like being sent to military school? Been there, done that.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, my father… Anyway, sorry, you were saying? How do you get from that to…” he waved sort of vaguely.

“We- my family?- belonged to a really weird church and...well they collected antiquities? You know, stuff that supposedly would prove the Bible was right and all and…” Jim winced, “I was REALLY desperate and there were these old writings with names and stuff... and I tried to summon the devil? Or a demon anyway.” he muttered into his tea, “It… ah… worked, even if i didn't get… what i expected.”

“You SUMMONED Craig?!”

Jim muttered, “I said it was dumb,” into his tea.

“What… ok, what happened?”

Jim remembered being completely dazed, and a puzzled voice in his head trying to understand WHY he had been summoned, or even begin to get a grip on what Jim thought was going on…

“Craig was pretty confused, because um… well apparently he isn't Christian? Or associated really with… anything my parents’ church taught? So he was really confused, and i was really confused, and… the next morning i honestly thought i had just… dreamed it?”

“I could… yeah i could see that.”

Jim nodded, “I mean… yeah, right… SURE, i summoned a demon and had to explain basic theology to him? It seemed more like a dream than anything- my arms even had healed.”

Sebastian twitched.

“Anyway i… I begged and I tried to get out of it but I still got shipped off to a religious camp and…” Jim couldn't help but smile, “The first time one of the counselors didn't just harass me, but tried to hurt me? Craig killed him.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim's concept of 'normal' got warped a LOOOONg time ago

Jim frankly would have enjoyed talking to Sebastian more, but he DID have a commercial tomorrow, which meant he needed to actually get some sleep

“So… all the blood and broken stuff is gone, and… you need a shower and i need one too…”

Sebastian twitched but allowed himself to be coaxed off the sofa and back toward the bathroom: having the evidence gone helped. He still seemed really twitchy so Jim just left him in the bathroom and started talking to Craig about where he was going to sleep- and ran into a problem.

“In the bed, duh?” Craig sounded puzzled.

“Ok, then where do I sleep?”

He could FEEL Craig facepalm, “In… the … Bed, duh?!”

“Craig… um… you… expect him to share a bed… with me?”

“He’s your boyfriend!” Craig implied the ‘duh?’ very strongly.

Jim leaned his head into the wall, “Craig… he isn’t my boyfriend-” and before Craig could say something Jim would DEFINITELY regret he added, “-yet. We barely know each other?”

Jim went and changed the rather blood streaked sheets and got the bed made up while Craig apparently tried to either process that or find a way to make the situation worse.

He made it worse.

“True… he probably needs to be chained to the bed- just for right now!” he added in a reassuring tone- for Craig.

Jim had long ago learned when to give up arguing. “Ok, i need to be able to unlock him in an emergency.”

“Whyyyyyy?”

“Because sometimes you go out hunting or something and I might need to?”

Craig chewed on that one while Jim went and got Sebastian out of the bathroom. The man was just standing there all… gorgeous and naked and….

“This is NOT going to work.” Jim sighed.

“Uh… what did i do wrong-pleasedon’tcallCraigI’llfixit!”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Jim winced at the panic, “I just… look, Craig is being either actually clueless or deliberately dense, and it can be REALLY hard to tell which is which, so… can we find you pajamas or something so i can take MY shower?”

Jim got him into the bedroom and hunted around and then went out and dug in Craig’s walk-in clothes hobby…

_ What are you doing? _

“Finding pajamas for Sebastian?”

_ Why- _

“Because if you are going to force us to share a bed I would like him to not be forced to be nude?”

Craig chewed on their lip,  _ This is… bothering you? Really? _

“Yes, Craig, this is bothering me!”

_ I could just eat- _

“That would bother me WAY worse!”

_ Look, i had started eating him already and then i remembered you wanted a boyfriend and he IS decorative… _

Jim grabbed the ‘might fit’ pajama bottoms and went back into the bedroom. “Craig is being clueless again, but at least i found you something that MIGHT fit.”

He pulled them on and….  _ Not helping as much as i hoped. _

“I need to take a shower and get some sleep: if you try to leave the flat Craig will probably be thrilled because it will give him an excuse,” Jim just shook his head, “I don’t want to deal with it- ok?” and he went off and took his shower and tried VERY hard not to think about it.

When he came out Sebastian was sitting on the bed looking… like someone who wasn’t used to being scared who was really scared.

“Ok, can you tell me-” Jim changed his mind fast, “No, never mind: look, Craig is being Craig and … I have to chain you to the bed, but it doesn't have to be uncomfortable or anything so…”

Sebastian got into bed very slowly…

Jim found one of the chains and cuffs and with Criag’s help got it locked around one of Sebastian’s wrists.

“Uh… Jim…” Craig spoke up as Jim crawled into the bed- as far away from Sebastian as he could which was honestly a lot of ‘could’ because the bed was huge.

“Yes, Craig?”

“Well, one: that’s not a lot of restraint…”

“It’s enough to slow him down, and still let him sleep moderately comfortably.” Jim may have snapped a bit as he turned to face away from the -  _ gorgeous nearly nude ohGOD do i want to do things with him _ \- Sebastian.

Craig went back to being in his head,  _ Aren’t you going to…? _

“Trying to sleep, Craig.”

Jim drifted off to the background of Craig muttering about how weird humans were and wondering whether he got an exceptionally odd one or what.

THAT, at least, was normal.

Just as he was drifting off to sleep it occurred to Jim- again- that his concepts of ‘normal’ were probably not… normal anymore.

…

Jim did his best to get the man to the bathroom and put food and water in reach before he had to run. He had a whole lot he wanted to say to Craig about it, but having an argument with Craig would just cause issues for his attention and ability to act, so he put it out of his head and focused on the commercial. By the time he was done and on his way home it was pretty late in the day.

“Craig this won’t work: if he has to be restrained then neither of us can go out.”

_ I’m thinking. _

_ OOOoooooooooooh that was not a good sign.  _

When they got back to the flat Jim could smell a bit of a problem, but it turned out Sebastian had used the wastebasket: he looked miserable and Jim felt horrible.

“I’m really sorry,” Jim muttered for what felt like the millionth time since… well since Craig. He got Sebastian unlocked and Sebastian actually did most of the clean up himself and then asked sort of hopefully about food and…

“Oh God, i have no idea- Craig only had the basics here and i don’t normally live here…”

“You don’t… well, right... that explains you not knowing the place, uh...can i… try to find something to eat?”

Jim straightened up, “Craig!”

“Huh? What?!” Craig must have been lost in thought because he was clearly startled.

“There is not enough food here. You brought home a large muscular man and I am staying here, and there is not anything left to eat except tinned… I think it may actually be cat food, some sort of wafers, and tea.” Jim very firmly added, “we need to get in real food.”

Craig had long ago decided that feeding Jim properly was important and he looked a bit abashed. “Oh, right… ah, hadn’t planned on getting you a boyfriend- like i said i was eating him and changed my mind- so i didn't really-”

“What!?!” Sebastian yelped and then sort of cringed back as Craig looked over at him.

“Oh, do you not remember?” Craig waved a hand idly at Sebastian, “I put my hand on you and… you would have gone unconscious? I understand it's fairly pleasant...mostly because I was too hungry to worry about making it UNpleasant.”

Sebastian stared at them, “I… felt like… it was peaceful? Until suddenly it REALLY wasn't…?”

“Oh, THAT part was putting you BACK and making your heart start up again when i changed my mind.”

Sebastian curled up into himself and was muttering, “drugs, hallucinations, i’m being tortured and they used drugs- gotta be…” sort of hopefully.

Jim forced the topic back, “Craig- We need to order in some food for dinner and you need to send someone out for shopping.”

Craig admitted- perhaps a bit sheepishly- that yes, if you are keeping a human you need to feed it, and set about ordering in food while Jim tried to get an idea of groceries that might be best from Sebastian.

He kept watching the hands- Craig- typing orders while Jim was talking, but eventually Jim got a probable grocery list together.

It was midway through dinner that Craig suddenly spoke up: “So i think I’ve solved the problem of needing to chain the boyfriend up.”

“His name’s Sebastian.” Jim sighed and glanced at the man in question who was looking understandably concerned. “And remember I said i liked my present in one piece.”

Craig sniffed, “I KNOW, so i just need to take a couple days off to put up some wards and he won’t be able to get out of the flat unless i let him!”

“Wards…? OH! Oh like that thing you did when we were in New York?” Jim hadn’t been awake for most of that since he’d been healing.

Sebastian was mouthing the words ‘New York’ and ‘wards’ but didn’t say anything.

“Exactly!” Craig sounded pleased. “The right moon phase is coming up, so you’ll only have to keep him chained up for a couple more days, and I’ll get the ingredients and a new knife.”

“Knife?!” Sebastian blurted out the question- honestly Jim hadn’t even blinked... _ yeah, he’d dealt with Craig for too long. _

Jim patted Sebastian’s hand, “Apparently most of the magic that Craig does involves blood.”

Sebastian- who was clearly a very smart man - asked the critical question right away, “Whose blood?”

Craig answered, “well… I’ll need some of Jim’s, and some of yours… and… i really need to double check whether there is a better flat for this… might need another whole body…”

Jim had already said “Then you won't have to be chained up! Won’t that be better?” before he realized that ordinary people PROBABLY weren’t reassured by this…


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a short chapter  
> (my apologies between the heat and my and hubby's usual health issues- plus my mom being ill- i haven't done a lot of writing)

Jim woke up to the smell of breakfast: this wasn’t entirely unusual, but usually he woke up to find Craig had used the body to make breakfast and he was sitting at the table. Jim got out of bed and slowly came out to find Sebastian in the kitchen.

“Um… Craig… unlocked you?”

Sebastian’s voice was a bit cautious. “More like Craig didn’t bother to lock me up last night, for which I am grateful.”

 _Craig?_ Jim tried to ask in his head but he mostly got a smug feeling back- _wonderful_.

Sebastian put a platter of food down on the table very carefully along with his coffee and Jim’s cup of tea. “I didn’t know what you usually ate for breakfast so I made a bit of everything.”

“Umm… thank you? It… looks good- smelled good! I mean… right.” Jim cursed his inability to talk to the half naked man serving breakfast and shoved a forkful of breakfast in his mouth.

Sebastian ate… a lot, actually, and Jim started wondering… “You… um…”

“Yes?”

“Craig wasn’t getting you enough food, was he? I mean i know i didn’t leave you enough, but there wasn’t much here and i was running late.”

“When you order in there’s enough,” he hesitated and added, “Although i usually eat a fair bit more protein than you do i think. Mind you there’s… no way to exercise really; at least yesterday- was it yesterday?- i could do some sit ups and push ups.”

“You’re… the first person… If Craig ever kept anyone before i don’t know about it…” Jim tried to study the bottom of his tea cup.

“Right… never left you a LIVE person.” Sebastian refilled his tea.

Jim ended up muttering, “He didn't usually leave me a whole dead person- I’d just… find parts: i really think it's why he likes Sherlock.”

“Can… Can you tell me about that? Because I worked for Moriarty and I rather thought he DIDN’T like Sherlock.”

“Oh God, no! He was all but rhapsodizing over him!” Jim looked up and met those gorgeous cloudy blue eyes, “Uh… I mean… he was trying to suggest i would like him too, but Craig’s ideas of good date material and mine are… um… different.”

Sebastian got up and started another kettle and poured himself a bit more coffee. “Can you explain? I’m… rather stuck with-”

“Me, yeah i know.”

He sat down with another cup of coffee and a plate of sausages. “As i said to Craig last night: you i don't mind, but i’d rather keep my distance from HIM.”

Jim’s mind stalled. “...you said what?”

“Well he was suggesting i carry you to bed, and i was pointing out that… I’d rather not get too close to Craig, even if i wasn’t adverse to picking you up, but the point is the same.”

Jim tried to picture Sebastian carrying him to bed and very abruptly Craig…. Gifted… him with the exact physical sensations of being carried to bed and tucked in with his pillow. Jim was fairly certain he blushed deep red. “Oh… um… ah… “ he finally managed to whisper, “thank you,” and fled.

Craig, of course, was mentally rolling his eyes and snickering- at the same time, naturally.

Jim got dressed to go out because they needed to go out for ingredients- for the wards- and Craig was very firm on locking Sebastian back up for the day.

Jim looked at Sebastian, who was very carefully staying as far away from them- well from Craig- as he could, and said, “Craig… you haven’t been feeding him enough… and… if we’re both staying here we need to put in more groceries at least…”

Craig very suspiciously agreed ‘if Jim would just work out the grocery list in detail with Sebastian’.

Jim looked at the groceries they had gotten delivered- which were enough for several meals for Jim, or … not so many meals for two.

“Um… Craig… says we can put in more groceries but we need to make up a list…”

Sebastian wrote up a list of what he could think of, and asked for more books, and then shocked Jim speechless by addressing Craig…or mentioning his name anyway.

“So, Craig… is listening, right?”

Jim blinked at him and nodded a lot, “right, well i mean- he’s here but he doesnt always pay attention which is why i sometimes sort of yell…”

“And… Craig… is Moriarty? Not you…”

“I’ve had to pretend to be him once or twice- it sucks because i usually have no idea what they’re going on about,” Jim admitted, “but no… that’s all Craig’s business.”

Craig was being sort of suspicious and muttering things that sounded like “what’s he up to?” in the back of Jim’s head.

“Can… Ok, so Craig can hear it when we talk… Can you hear it when CRAIG talks? Like to me?”

Jim tried to figure out how to explain it. “Sometimes? Craig has control of the… the body i guess is the easiest way to put it- so if i’m not closed off i can hear what he’s doing- although sometimes i sort of… don’t look? Craig can shut me out anytime he wants to, though; like he did when… when you two had a chat a couple days ago? I don’t know what he said or did- when i came back you were just… i was just glad you were sane, really”

Craig seemed vaguely annoyed about something…

“I was just wondering because you went to sleep and then Craig opened his eyes and told me to carry you into the bedroom…”

“Oh...no, i was asleep- i don’t remember that.”

“And you don't remember being at the pool… or being shot…”

“Fortunately, no.”

Sebastian was nodding slowly and fiddling around with dishes and stuff. “He can… do magic so i won't be able to leave the flat even if I’m not chained?”

“Yes? Well...i’ve seen the reverse- magic so you can't get IN- and he says he can.” Jim shivered unhappily remembering New York and saw Sebastian look concerned. “I didn't have a great time in New York: this time I get to help and maybe learn a bit!”

“I… would really prefer to be able to leave.”

Jim winced, “yeah… i know… I’m… sorry.” 

Craig was grumbling about how lucky Sebastian was and… Jim asked him to let it be and he mostly did… mostly.

Sebastian sort of leaned into the sink and took several deep breaths. “Right, so… any chance of getting in some exercise equipment at least? Something… I’m not used to being cooped up.”

Jim mentally poked Craig HARD and assured Sebastian that he would get him something.

“I need to go out, and um… i want to make sure i leave you enough so… can you… maybe help move enough things into the bedroom so you have enough to drink and all?

Sebastian moved a bunch of stuff into the bedroom and Jim found a cooler box so they could leave him some sandwiches, and he even triple lined the waste basket.

“You could get an invalid toilet or something,” Sebastian sounded depressed and looked pretty miserable- which… well if Jim had to pee- or worse- in a rubbish bin and be chained to a bed all day he’d be depressed too.

Craig made sure he was hobble chained and locked to the bed- Jim tried to look apologetic at him- and then they went out.

Craig was shopping for ingredients (and being unduly picky about buying a knife) and Jim kept trying to remind him about exercise equipment and food and stuff.

Craig seemed fairly cranky about it all so eventually Jim just let himself nap.

He woke up FAST to the sensation of utterly stunned shock from Craig.

“What?! What happened?”

“He’s GONE!”

“Who?” Jim blinked and looked around in confusion at … the flat they’d been staying in?

“Sebastian! Dayuuuum… he actually got LOOSE!” Craig sounded admiring.

“How?!”

“I’ve got no idea- but I’ll ask him once i catch him.”


	7. Chapter 7

Jim was a bit surprised to find that Craig could track Sebastian that easily.

“I thought… you could only find ME like this?”

Craig chuckled and said, “No, I can find you anywhere in the world at any time- this guy I have to track by taste: i did eat a bit of him, and then i healed him…”

_ Oh…  _ well Jim didn't think anyone else had ever survived being eaten- even a ‘little’ - because Craig never put anyone back before, so it made sense. The trail wandered around oddly but eventually- with Crag grumbling the entire time about how slow this was- they got to a big building.

A big building with way too much security.

Craig took them to a safe place to wait and called one of the cars, and once Jim was sitting safely in an armored car Craig left to go have a look at the situation.

“He was a PRESENT! Don’t eat him!” Jim whined- he wasn't proud, he’d admit he whined- at Craig.

Craig just sort of shrugged and vanished to go look around.

Craig could look at most things when he was out of Jim, but… he really couldn't see everything clearly- from what Jim had gathered it was like looking through a foggy glass: some things kind of clear and other things not so much. He couldn't affect much, though, not without a body…

Err… well unless he found a body.

The problem being that most people were only vulnerable to possession when they either had some SERIOUSLY messed up spirits, or they were high on drugs. Otherwise, as Craig said, they might as well have been Bank Vaults: you can break in, but not without causing a lot of noise and damage.

He could, of course, EAT people- some people- without needing a body, because that was a lot simpler than possessing them, but it also made him oddly visible for a few seconds.

However right now there was nothing Jim could do except wait.

Craig came back and settled into place and Jim’s heart rate came back down because Craig hadn’t eaten anyone- he could tell. “Well?”

“He’s in there, i don't think he’s sure if he’s a prisoner or just being kept safe,” Craig shrugged, “But he’s in there, and… the security on that building is INSANE!”

“It is? Well… isn’t that his people? He was a spy, right?”

Craig mostly grumbled a lot and told the driver to go to one of their other places. The warehouse safe house was being cleaned out- naturally, since Sebastian HAD to know where it was.

Jim repeated the question, “So is that HIS people? He didn't get captured by anyone else, did he?”

“Oh! Oh, no… he didn't seem nearly upset enough for it to be anyone but his people.” Craig patted his hand. “I just don’t know how to get him BACK. I’ll have to kill him- sorry.”

“What? Why?! Why… why would you,” Jim frowned, “You didn’t kill him already?”

“Nooo?”

Jim smirked, “Then you don’t really want to, or you would have already!”

Craig grumbled something about being vaguely impressed with him and Jim settled back into the car seat happily, “He’s smart! And… And he was nice.”

“How nice can he be?! He ran away!”

“Ummm… Craig… seriously? Wouldn't YOU run away from you?” Jim tried to point out, “The last couple people who dealt with you- really dealt with you- umm…”

“Yeah, i know, they either broke badly or they...well they didn’t cope.” Craig grumbled- it was one of the biggest issues to him having any serious dealings with people after all- after enough time people started getting creeped out under the BEST of circumstances.

“He’s SANE, and… he was coping and… ok, so… he ran away? That's kind of sane, i think?”

“I TOLD him to behave himself,” Craig grumbled some more.

“Yes? And we also told him we were going- you were going- to do magic, and… he could obviously find a way out of the cuffs, but he was probably scared he couldn't get out once you did magic.” Jim chewed on his thumb nail a bit, “That's… that's smart AND it means he believed you.”

Craig hesitated. “... It does… doesn't it… he…” Craig tilted his head the way he did, “Huh, so he believed us, even got a fairly good look up close at me driving… and he didn't break?”

Jim nodded firmly, “So you shouldn’t eat him.”

Craig grinned very widely, “OOOOH we have GOT to get that one back!”

Jim just smiled. He was still smiling when they got to their other flat: for some reason the guards kept sort of skittering away.

Jim ordered in food and after getting settled, asked: “Ok, so where are you going to set up the wards? Or are you going to do something different?”

“...huh?”

“The wards? We have to pick out a new safe house and set up the wards on that one… right? Or do you have a better idea since we have time.”

“I don’t get it? Why would i spend the energy to do any of that when he isn't HERE?”

Jim sighed and lay back, staring at the ceiling. “Craig, i swear sometimes you are a TERRIBLE demon: we’re going to get him back, so … you can take the time to set all of this up to keep him PROPERLY- however that works- so that he won't get away again, but he’ll be able to exercise and… well, whatever it takes to not have him climbing the walls. But the point is, we have time to do it right- and for you to show me how to do it.”

Craig gave him a long look, and then started grinning. “Every now and then i forget that humans are devious bastards… you’re right, i wasn't thinking of it.”

Craig looked thoughtful, drumming their fingers on the table. “Well, then… I’ll need to keep Sherlock busy, and probably that relative of his that Sebastian worked for…”

“Oh? Ok, how?”

“Oh, i got contacted by one of the kinfolk some time ago- I’ll just set them on him.”

“Won’t he EAT Sherlock? I thought… I thought you wanted to play with him?”

“Nah,” Craig grinned cheerfully, “They’re mostly mortal: they could feed off him a bit, but… it only kills you if you’re really weak? She’s like a mosquito compared to… uh… me cutting off your head and dangling you upside down over a bowl.”

Jim rolled his eyes, “Smooth analogy, Craig… wait… she?”

“Yeah, her name’s Irene.


End file.
